Plane Weirdness, Pt. 2

I don’t really feel like writing (refuse to say ‘blogging’… shudder) about the second weird thing that happened on the plane… both because 1) it was unpleasant and 2) I’ve told the story to so many coworkers that I’m sick of hearing about it already. Oy!

But for posterity, events must be recorded.

I sat on a plane with Snoop Doggy Dogg’s “entourage” from LA to Auckland. Then 5 painful hours with them in the Auckland airport, before another excruciatingly horrible flight to Wellington. This experience was peppered with an ugly number of situations where I had to be in close contact with the members of this group… such as the 30 minute customs line, the 10 minute bag drop line, several x-ray lines, the waiting to board line, the McDonald’s line, the baggage carousel cluster, etc.

I can’t stress enough what HUGE JERKS these people were. Are. I doubt they’ve reformed in 5 days.

Stupid. Loud. Obscene. Intentionally intimidating.

On the LA to Auckland flight, the Snoop Person (let’s call him a Poop) behind me hit my seat so often it could only be intentional. Listen, dogs. I have a younger sister, and I also went to junior high. I KNOW when someone is hitting my seat intentionally. And I tell you, it was so. However, I have had a lot of experience dealing with racially charged situations where people are being gigantic buttwipes to you, and trying to draw you into a fight. Hello, Spartan Village!! So I did the smartest (and most difficult) thing possible… and fell asleep on they ass. Ha! Can’t sexually harass a sleeping person, CAN YOU?

On the Auckland to Welly flight, a woman was sitting in my airplane seat when I boarded the plane, so I said, “I think I’m in 12C.” To which she said, politely, “Oh yes, I will move back.” I thought she must have just accidentally been in the wrong seat. Until I heard a Snoopy person behind me say, “Calm down, bitch.” Then I guessed that a Snoopy person was in the woman’s seat, which was why she was in mine, which was why she looked kind of afraid, and also why the Snoopy people were feeling guilty and thus trying to make me out as some kind of uptight broad. Snoopy Psychology 101.

Then I saw a big knot of angry black guys at the front of the plane arguing about seats. My seatmate (thankfully, non-Snoopy) pushed past them and muttered, “Who do these people think they are!? They are sitting wherever they want and they won’t move!”

The flight attendants were scurrying around with frozen smiles on their faces, trying to diplomatically tell the Snoopys that they had to sit in the right spot so we could take off.

Other small related dramas ensued. Let’s just say they all sucked.

In remembering the horror of this experience, I find myself doubting my own memory. “But Snoop seems so laid back! Surely you must be exaggerating! Surely there couldn’t have been THIRTY black guys on the plane! Maybe you saw 5 or 10 and your secret racist tendencies caused you to flip out and elaborate things, To Kill a Mockingbird style!”

Then I did an image search for Snoop Dogg (to put an image on this post), and came directly to this link.

So I’m not crazy.

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