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KRAMPUS ATTACK

What are you smoking, Austria!!??

Okay, so I just got back from my first “Krampuslauf”, or Krampus Walk.
Krampus is a mountain demon who comes to town to EAT naughty children. An Austrian told me he was terrified of Krampus as a child, but I didn’t think much of it until I saw the Krampuses (Krampi?) strutting their stuff through Graz. No hyperbole – the Krampuses were REALLY SCARY! Way too scary for children! Ten times scarier than Harry Potter! No wonder Austrians don’t smile at strangers on the street. I wouldn’t either, if I was raised on this stuff.

We saw hundreds of Krampuses and they were all terribly demonic. These people worked HARD on their creepy costumes. Some people really didn’t like it when the Krampuses ran over and pretended to chew on their faces.

Many things were working against the Krampuses being photographed… they were moving fast, it was very dark, my fingers were almost numb from the cold, and I was behind a row of spectators. But luckily I got a couple of photos that were in focus. I missed all of the really good shots because I was legitimately startled. I am sad that I didn’t get any good pictures of the scariest and weirdest Krampuses, one of which was a Krampus with a very realistic penis-nose. No I am not making this up. There was even a condom on it. What the heck, Austria. The little penis-nose Krampus was running around shoving his nose at people and wiggling it, and all I could think was, “???”

If you’re keen for still more gore, check out this wonderful short video called “Suckablood”, by Ben Tillett & Jake Cuddihy.
I’m pretty sure the Austrians would approve.

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