The Golden Fleece

This is just a whole bag of wonderful. Icebreaker Human Resources wanted a way to say “good job” to employees who’ve worked at IB for 5 years. Our current reward (Nothing) was apparently not appreciated intensely. So HR asked me to create… DRUMROLL PLEASE… a GOLDEN SHEEP FLEECE, wearable for one day by each employee who has reached his or her 5-year employment anniversary. (Reward fully upgraded to Nothing+ !!)

“I can do that!” I said. Internally, I thought, “I can’t do that!”

But luckily I am friends with the legendary Caroline Chin, whose mad decent hand-skills include (but are not limited to) Novelty Knitting. Caroline uncovered a wicked Hooded Poncho pattern in an ancient Vogue Patterns library book, and we scouted yarn stores for a soft fuzzy metallic golden yarn. Turns out there’s no such thing, deek. Metal is scratchy! So Caroline, the Wizard of All Things, “double knit” two strands of yarn into the fleece: One soft fuzzy loopy mustard-colored merino strand, and one shiny metallic gold strand.

That worked fine until the fleece was 3/4 done, when the mustard-colored yarn ran out, and the yarn store kindly told me it was discontinued. Thanks deeks! Appreciate it! Couldn’t you have maybe, I don’t know, put a little sticker by the barcode that said Discontinued Line? Anyway, many, many panicked phone calls and emails later, and we were back in business with 11 extra skeins of Patons Loopy 0002. I dare anyone to find an extra skein of this in the whole entire world. It cannot be done.

Fun fact: Scores of the yarn-store owning ladies I emailed took the liberty of putting my email on their Mailing List!!! What! Inconsiderate DEEKS (apologies; it’s late at night in New Zealand)

Then Caroline had to go to sea for 3 weeks for her job. She brought along the nearly finished fleece. But! the ocean was choppy and she threw up constantly, and was in a state of nausea so unparalleled that even her MAD DECENT WIZARDRY could not finish the fleece!! (By now HR has totally given up on me and is shooting me dirty looks in the kitchen)

Then Caroline returned, finished the fleece, and we had this pimpin photoshoot in my living room with various flatmates and hangers-on. The awesome YELLOW HOLGA FLASH bathed the fleece in a sunny halo of joy. But. If you love something, you’ve got to let it go, I guess. Sigh


KEVIN


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